


What's the story behind this one?

by TharAmira



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Family, Gen, Humour, More tags to be added as need be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:15:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24917425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TharAmira/pseuds/TharAmira
Summary: Sirius tells Harry the stories behind some of the photos he has of his parents.
Kudos: 4





	1. Proposal

Really, it was all Vernon Dursley's fault.

James had of course tried to explain this to his girlfriend, but she hadn't wanted to hear it. And Remus, the traitor, wasn't helping.

"What did you- _how_ did you- _I don't even know_ -...!"

"But Lily-" he started again, but she turned to Remus and Peter, effectively cutting him off.

"And _you_! I thought you two at least had some sense! What _possessed_ you to get drunk and harass Muggle police?!" she demanded. The new targets of her wrath exchanged uneasy glances, then Peter cleared his throat.

"It happened like this...

> * * *
> 
> Moony and I were just chatting in Padfoot's living room, minding our own business...
> 
> _("Yeah, that's likely-"_
> 
> _"Oi, let a guy tell a story, will you!")_
> 
> So, in come Prongs and Padfoot, and Prongsy's mad. Fuming. Like a thundercloud, no like-
> 
> _("Will you get to the point already!"_
> 
> _"Alright, alright! Some people..."_
> 
> _"What was that?"_
> 
> _"Nothing, nothing!"_
> 
> _"I think I'll take over from here, Wormtail."_
> 
> _"Aw, but Moony, I was just getting warmed up!")_
> 
> Now, being the good, concerned friends we are, we had, of course, to ask Jim what was up. He told us about meeting your sister and her boyfriend...
> 
> _"'People', he says, and 'your kind', because wizards aren't people apparently!"_
> 
> And being good friends, we had to commiserate, although we all secretly harboured the suspicion that Vernon hadn't meant wizards when talking about 'Jim's kind' and that the aforementioned Marauder was indeed not quite what you'd call a person...
> 
> _("MOONY!"_
> 
> _"Well, you can't say he hasn't got a point."_
> 
> _"PADS!"_
> 
> _"Are any of you going to get to the point anytime soon?"_
> 
> _"Right, right. Well...")_
> 
> We got out the Firewhiskey and proceeded to get absolutely smashed. Over the course of the evening, we somehow managed to rent ourselves a car and took it for a joyride, as one does.
> 
> _("As four do, you mean!")_
> 
> Now, Pete and I did try to get Pads and Prongs to quit it, but Sirius convinced us to go along with it.
> 
> _"Oh sure, people are not supposed to drive drunk- it said nothing about wizards driving drunk!"_
> 
> _("Sirius Orion Black!"_
> 
> _"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm- **GAH!** ")_
> 
> So off we go on a thankfully not-too-crowded freeway and everything's going well until Jim here, he's the one who was driving, anyway Jim got the bright idea to start swerving all over the road instead of driving in a straight line. This of course disturbed other drivers and we got angry honks for it. A policeman pulled us up. Prongs parked. He, Padfoot and Wormtail all transformed.
> 
> Of course, cars weren't made to fit stags, so Jim ended up in a very awkward position. He made this really weird, distressed noise when he was mushed up against the windows windshield and dashboard, his neck was bent at an awkward angle because there wasn't anymore room in the car for it, I was trapped between him and the window and I think his hooves must have been pressing down on the brakes and the accelerator at the same time, because the car started shuddering and shaking and wouldn't stop and I'm sorry I just ca-
> 
> _("Remus! This is not a laughing matter!"_
> 
> _"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"_
> 
> _"...Since Moony's down for the count, I'll take over the narrative again.")_
> 
> The cop who pulled us up came over to see Remus trapped between a window and a wall of fur and suffocating, so he quickly opened the door to let him out. Then he stared at Moony for a bit, then at us inside the car, and called for backup. Said he had a 'bunch of druggies in a car' and he 'must've got a whiff of whatever they've been smoking' because he could 'swear on my life, Danny, there's a freaky huge stag driving and a dog in the backseat with a rat on its head!'.
> 
> And Moony starts with the cliche "I can explain!" line, but paused, sighed then said "No actually, I can't," took a look around, sighed again "I really can't explain this."
> 
> About 15 minutes later another policeman shows up, takes one look at Moony and his colleague trying to get Prongs out of the car without hurting him or damaging the car and goes,
> 
> "Steve, I hate to break it to you, but you're not hallucinating."
> 
> So Moony gets arrested, they call some people to come get us three 'animals in need of rescue', and while they had their backs turned, Prongs turned back into a human, got out the car and Stunned them both. We called in an Obliviator, didn't tell him much, just that we'd gotten drunk and done magic in front of muggle law enforcement. Then we took the Knight Bus home because none of us were up to Apparating at that point. Then it was all we could do to fall asleep on the living room floor. The Hit Wizards came for us this morning.

* * *

"...So here we are", Peter finished. "Arrested for Muggle-baiting and driving under the influence."

Lily took a long, hard look at them and sighed.

"I'm sorely tempted to leave you lot in here and not bail you out", she stated in a weary, long-suffering tone.

"What!" James fell to his knees, clasped his hands and proceeded to beg, his voice growing higher pitched with every word. "Lily-flower you can't! Please! I'll be good, I promise! I'll never prank anyone ever again! I'll-"

"Alright, alright, keep the noise down!" She sighed again. "And don't make promises you can't keep."

* * *

Later, once she'd bailed them out and the rest of the Marauders had gone to their own homes, Lily asked James why he'd gone to meet her parents, sister and sister's boyfriend without her to begin with. He evaded her questions, pissing her off even more.

A few days later, James took Lily out to her favourite restaurant. She believed it to be an apology, which it was; but that wasn't James' primary motive.

"Hey Lils? You remember last week I went to see your parents and sister, and her horrid boyfriend was there and messed it all up?"

She blinked then scowled, wondering why he had to bring that up now and spoil the mood.

"Yes, what about it?"

"Well... I figure it's time I told you why I was there at all."

He took a deep breath, as if nervous, which was so out of character for him it made her extremely nervous as well.

"You see, I wanted to get their blessing", he pulled a small box out of his cloak pocket. She drew in a sharp breath; was he...?

James came over to her side of the table and dropped to one knee before her.

"Lily Evans, you've made the past two and a half years the best of my life. I've known for ages now that I want to spend the rest of it with you as well. I- what? What's so funny?"

He sounded hurt, and she couldn't blame him, but it took Lily a moment to gather her wits. Then she pulled a box out of her pocket as well.

"This was your mother's; I got it from her yesterday. Today I was going to ask you, 'James, would you be my husband?'"

He blinked owlishly for a solid minute before the widest grin she had ever seen split his face.

"Yes! Yes, I'll marry you! Woohoo!"

* * *

"And that, pup, is what's depicted in this photo of your mum proposing to your dad." Sirius finished. 

Baby Harry had only babbled at Sirius the first time he'd heard this story, but Sirius liked to think that now that his godson was older, he'd be able to appreciate his amazing story-telling skills. As such, he was very eager to hear Harry's response.

Harry stared blankly at him for a second, processing the story, then burst out laughing.

"Are you telling me- got drunk- muggle cops- arrested- for a ring he ended up not even needing?!" he manged to get out between guffaws.

"That's exactly what I'm telling you", Sirius replied through his own laughing fit.

They both calmed down eventually, then Harry turned the page.

"These are their wedding photos...," he turned the page again, "what's the story behind this one Sirius?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has an idea they want to see, please comment.


	2. Do as Moony does!

"Oh, that? That was a half-hour or so before Moony jumped off a cliff and Prongs followed after."

It was stated so casually and nonchalantly that Harry didn't quite understand what had been said for a minute. When his brain caught up with his ears, he was understandably and appropriately shocked and horrified.

"WHAT?!"

Sirius grinned at the look on his godson's face.

"Well, way back in our Hogwarts days, when we Crusaders Against Boredom were still teeny-tiny second years, and had yet to adopt the infinitely more refined and gentlemanly name of 'Marauders' for our esteemed organisation..."

"Sirius!," Harry interjected, "get on with the story already!"

"I'm getting there! Gees, you're just like your mum I swear, no patience or appreciation for good storytelling", he grumbled. Harry wasn't sure if he was more pleased at learning another bit of information about his mum or annoyed by Sirius' rambling. Thankfully, he didn't have to answer, as Sirius finally got on with it.

* * *

> By that point, good ole' Professor McGonagall had gotten a pretty solid grip on our personalities, so she knew Remus was the 'innocent' one of the bunch. So, in an effort to curb our fun, which would of course prove to be entirely fruitless and cost her some of her sanity and
> 
> _("Sirius!"_
> 
> _"Right, right. Forgot who I was dealing with for a moment there."_
> 
> _"Sirius, if you don't get on with it already, I'll go find Remus and get it out of him instead!")_
> 
> Interesting that you should mention Moony, because McGonagall, she told us to basically do as Moony does.
> 
> And Prongs, he didn't like that. Not that that excuses his bringing up a tired old cliche.
> 
> "So now I'm supposed to do anything that Remus does? What if he jumped off a cliff?" he challenged. Or tried to, because she had an answer ready.
> 
> "If Mr. Lupin were to jump off a cliff, he would have done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So, yes, if you see Mr. Lupin jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff."
> 
> And with that, she left us staring after her, dumbfounded.
> 
> Now, as I said, this happened when we were still titchy second-years. We grew up. We played many pranks. We acquired much wisdom. Eventually we left Hogwarts, but through it all, those words stayed with us.
> 
> _("...You wanted revenge on your old teacher, so you- went and jumped off a cliff onto- what, a magic carpet?"_
> 
> _"To the ground below actually.")_
> 
> You see, having graduated from Hogwarts, we took off for a month to explore the world- broaden our horizons, as Moony put it. The rat seemed to think we were just getting away from the war for a bit; should've been a big clue right there, really, I don't know why none of us ever picked up on it.
> 
> Anyway, it was Moony who suggested we should visit this place in Brazil- the Petra-da telegrapher, or something, I can't remember the exact name. It's this small 'cliff' that's really just about two metres off the ground, but from the right angle you can't tell; it looks like a tall cliff with water and a forest beneath it. People have been taking crazy pictures from there for decades- hanging off a cliff by one hand, doing crazy yoga poses on the cliff's edge; in our case, a well times photo of two guys jumping off a cliff.

* * *

"We sent it to McGonagall. Shame she lost that one; apparently it wasn't as sentimental for her as the one of our graduation" he finished.

"So", Harry started, massaging his temples, "you sent your old professor a picture of two recently graduated students jumping off a cliff, then you give your godson a heart attack with the story 15 years later."

"Why, yes, yes we did." Sirius replied, grinning from ear to ear.

Harry sighed.

"Poor Professor McGonagall. She doesn't get half the credit she deserves for putting up with you lot for seven years and not being reduced to a gibbering wreck by the end of your schooling."

"No, she really doesn't", he agreed, then grinned. "Of course, when I'm proven innocent and set free for good, they'll have to pay me some sort of compensation for those twelve years in Azkaban, won't they? I'll make them declare a National McGonagall Appreciation Day!"

Harry returned the grin, amused. "What would a typical celebration look like?" he asked.

"Well obviously there'll be streamers and banners and-"

Sirius was cut himself off with a yawn and smiled sheepishly. "And we should probably sleep on it and have a brainstorming session tomorrow, eh, pup?"

Harry grinned back and nodded, picking up his album and heading back to his and Ron's room. "Goodnight Sirius."

"Goodnight, Pup."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cliff mentioned in this chapter does actually exist. It's a popular tourist spot in Pedra do Telegrafo, Brazil.
> 
> Also, are there any fics where one or more Hogwarts professor gets the credit they deserve for all the bullshit they've put up with, or a party thrown in their honour or something? If so, please recommend me one, I haven't been able to find any!


	3. Laundry and Kitchen disasters

Harry sighed. Ron and Hermione both shot him worried looks that went unnoticed, as their best friend was deep in thought.

_Whoever said any job is more fun when you've got friends to help you was either an idiot or a liar._

He was of course familiar with the work involved in cleaning a house. He knew how tedious it could be sometimes. He knew, from staying at the Burrow over summers, that whether the house was magic or not didn't really affect those facts any. He just...

He supposed he'd thought that if he was with Ron, Hermione, Sirius and everyone else, things would- start moving.

No, not quite. He'd known when he came here that things were already moving- he just wasn't a part of it.

_You'd think worrying about what Voldemort was going to do next and being frustrated about not being told anything, even though you're the one in the thick of it, would be more than enough excitement._

But no. The monotony of cleaning Grimmauld Place up was taxing in its own way- it wore on him, in more ways than one and was yet another source of stress he really didn't need right now.

Sirius frowned at his godson, tapping his fingers against the handle of the broom he was holding, then brightened.

"Pup?" he called.

Harry looked over at him, startled out his thoughts. "Yeah?"

"Did I ever tell you about the time your dad almost drowned the both of you while trying to do the laundry the muggle way and your mum almost burned down the house?"

That earned him owlish blinking from Harry and relieved and grateful looks from Ron and Hermione. The pup really was lucky, in this one regard, having found his own band of Marauders.

"You're pulling my leg!"

"I'm not!" Sirius grinned, happy to see that his pup wasn't moping anymore. "This is a real incident that happened when you were-", he paused, trying to remember, "six months old, I think. Yes, I heard the story when we were celebrating Lily's birthday - that's January 30th - and she mentioned it happened 'a few days ago', so you were solidly six months old by that point. I wasn't there when it happened, more's the pity- but Lily told us every little detail and I remember most of them, I think."

"Oh, this I have to hear", Ron piped up. Hermione too looked keen to hear this story.

"What did they do?" she asked.

Sirius looked to Harry to see if he had any problem with them hearing this story about his family. Harry just gestured impatiently for him to start telling the story.

* * *

"James got bored and decided to try do the housework without using any magic", she told us.

* * *

> That morning, he gave me his wand and told me not to give it to him if he got frustrated with doing things the Muggle way. Everything was going well until he got to the laundry. Then he gathered Harry up and took him down to the basement, intending to, and I quote, "get a head start on teaching Prongslet here some valuable life skills".

* * *

"Wait", Remus asked her, "hasn't he ever washed clothes before?"

"I have, Moony, but only ever by hand- I'd never used a washing machine before."

_("My parents had a working washing machine in their basement? With two magical adults and a magical baby living in the house and the property surrounded by powerful wards? Sirius, you're having us on!"_

_"No I'm not, I swear! Though I probably should have explained this beforehand- see, there was this one TV show Lily used to watch- about the staff of a shop in a department store, I forget what it's called-"_

_"Uh-huh. Sure."_

_"It was real! And your mom wanted to be able to watch it, so she banned magic in the basement and moved all the electronics in the house down there, TV and washing machine included!'_

_"Mhm. If you say so, Sirius."_

_"Well I do! Now, where did we leave off? Right, Lily was telling us about how James messed up the laundry.")_

* * *

> He dumped in a full cup of detergent, which is a lot more than actually needed for a standard load. That wouldn't have been a problem, well not as big of a problem but he also broke the basement rule- he took Harry's shape-shifting plushy in there with him and set it down on top of the machine.
> 
> Then Harry wet his nappy, so James brought him back up and left the plushy down there.
> 
> While he was changing Harry, I got started on lunch.
> 
> Only a few minutes later, we heard some weird noises coming from the basement, so he went down to check it out. In hindsight, taking a baby into a room with malfunctioning machinery was a terrible idea, but that's what James did, and then I heard,
> 
> "FIRE!"
> 
> So I ran down there, wand in hand, to put out the fire... and left the kitchen stove untended.
> 
> I got down to the basement, and it looked like something out of a cartoon- soap suds everywhere! Not just on the floor- they were piling up so fast I couldn't even see James and Harry.
> 
> To rescue them, I ended up having to break the basement rule myself- I Vanished as much of the detergent as I could turned off the machine, leaving a soaked and soapy James holding a crying but dry Harry as high above his head as possible.
> 
> Then, because I just had to ask, "James, why did you yell 'fire?'"
> 
> He gave me an incredulous look and asked, "Would you have come to help if I'd yelled 'laun-'?"
> 
> Before he could finish, I cried out, "Is that smoke?!"
> 
> He froze for a moment, then took off running up the stairs. This time, at least, he had the sense to hand Harry to me before running to check out the fire. His voice reached me as I was climbing the stairs myself with Harry.
> 
> "Fire! For real this time!"

* * *

So being good friends, we all laughed our arses off at James and made jokes about the incident for about a month after. The end.

* * *

"Wait." Hermione said slowly, as if trying to wrap her head around something (and wasn't that a strange look to see on her face?). "How come Mrs Potter barely reacted at all to Mr Potter flooding the basement?"

"I think by that point, she'd gotten used to the idea that she was married to a Marauder" Sirius explained. "Anything short of a leveled building was small potatoes."

Hermione looked horrified at this idea, while Ron laughed at the mental image.

Harry, on the other hand, looked thoughtful.

"...Considering the fact that I find it funny that I almost drowned in soap suds as a baby, should I be worried about my mental health?" he asked.

Ron snorted and replied, "I'm pretty sure that's it's perfectly normal to find this story funny, mate. Considering everything else I know about you... yes, Harry, be concerned about your mental health. Be very, very concerned."

"Oi!"

While the boys proceeded to bicker, Hermione gave Sirius another grateful look before turning back to her work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've all seen that scene in some cartoon or sitcom- someone tries to do the laundry, ends up flooding the entire room, sometimes even the house in soap suds. I've always wondered if that was even possible, so I've written a plausible explanation for how it might happen in the HP universe. I know the most common interpretation of 'electronics don't work around magic' is that they simply don't work, but I've decided to take it to mean they malfunction in spectacular and sometimes entertaining ways. The yelling 'fire' versus yelling 'laundry' thing was taken from an excellent MLP;FiM fanfic called Nyx's Family, by RealityCheck, or, as they're known on AO3, RHJunior. I'll leave you to decide whether this actually happened in this universe or if Sirius was just trying to cheer Harry up with a nonsensical story. But Harry, when he was older, decided to try and see if he couldn't recreate the incident. The clothes in that wash ended up somehow turning into soap suds but never leaked out of the machine and the kitchen stove failed to set anything on fire.


End file.
